Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
