thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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