Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
