happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
