Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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