If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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