Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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