Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
