I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
