I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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