3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
