On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
