I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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