smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
