found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it because I queefed?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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