In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
