He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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