In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
