Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
