It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
