Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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