We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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