Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
