smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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