wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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