You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
