Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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