i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
