i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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