I need help removing her.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
