Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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