We're facebook friends in real life
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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