he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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