dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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