That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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