tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
