I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
