is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
