I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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