please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
