Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
