This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
