Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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