Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
