I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
