Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
