what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
