Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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