Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
