Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
