Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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