He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
