Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
