Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
