I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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