why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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