in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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