Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
