My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Its about making memories worth repressing
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
