I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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