my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
