4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
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