paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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