Betty ford says i'm here all night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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