Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
