no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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