Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
