if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
