Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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