Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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