the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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