My friends, they love my intelligence
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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