Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
