I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
