Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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