good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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