Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
