i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
